Don't Block Your Blessings

It's Sunday again...the day I allot to a little reflection time.

On a daily basis I work with a woman who has a lot going on in terms of stress. Her heart is in the right place but life seems to keep knocking her down. She is caught up in a system that has lead her through cyclical stress. I would be completely discrediting myself, my job and other in the helping field if I said that the system hasn't given her anything. I realize that the system has finally come to the point of putting a few people in her life who really care about her and are there to actually help... already some changes have been made.

Just this past week I came to realize that I was dreading her coming into my office. I noticed that she was so miserable that she was draining my energy. I'm in a helping profession and the burn-out rate is quick...but this woman is burning me out almost immediately. I finally had to say "look put the goddamn stress aside and do something fun!" No noo I didn't actually say that, but I did become frustrated with her because she was sitting around moping, when I was about to skip off to a fun workshop that my job was offering for free. All I could think was that she was sitting there sulking yet again but not taking advantage of the free class that I knew she needed. More importantly I thought she just needed to take a break from her miserableness and do something to benefit herself. The thing that is most frustrating in working with her is that she does not see the good in her situation AT ALL. In just six months we had done so much, made so much progression and yet she wasn't seeing this.

Unfortunately I don't have some cute ending to the story with her. She is still going to carry on miserably until some miracle occurs...unless I can convince her otherwise. But I did learn two things.
1. Sometimes you just gotta be selfish and do you.
I mean sometimes you gotta put your stress aside and enjoy yourself. Forget about everyone else and invest sometime into your self. it may seem selfish, but it actually isn't. When it comes to taking care of yourself, you have to make the first move.
2. Don't block your blessings.
Remember not to block your blessings. Look for the good in your situation, even if it's small. Any amount of progress, is progress nonetheless. Also if you are spending your time complaining to a friend...eventually they are going to get tired of hearing it. My solution: realize your emotion and let it out so that you can get rid of it or deal with it and move on. Live your life and realize that there will always be bumps along the way. The journey doesn't end at that bump, eventually you get over it and onto the next.

Our first "colored" president

Ok so we know that Lindsay Lohan has no home training...but damn did she really call Obama our first "colored" president??? I think it was a rather muffled part of the interview but listen for yourself right around 17-19 seconds into the clip.

The Girlfriend Code Rule I

Rule I
If your girlfriend VERBALLY expresses that she likes/has a crush/ hooked up with/ had a one night stand/ or had some serious flirting with a guy that she would like to date….he is off limits.

I’m addressing this 1st b/c it the most common mistake - usually is a fool proof way to dissolve a friendship.

Personally, I don’t get why women still refuse to get this—thousands of relationships would be saved if we simply followed this rule and stopped being underhanded. Women are possessive, and even if it did not work between her and him – it does not mean that she wants to see you together…ever… It’s just an honest fact. I mean really ladies, think of men like a pair of shoes. If you are scouting a pair of gorgeous pumps, day dreaming about them, bookmarking the URL on your computer, and just waiting for pay day so you can make your move...how would you feel if your friend showed up with the last pair, in your size, talking about "Oh I didn't know you liked them,". Just the thought makes you want to slap a bitch, and ask her what parallel universe she is living in, considering you've been talking about those shoes for the past two weeks, and planning your Saturday night outfit around them. Now if your foolish girlfriend had really been listening and followed the code, you'd probably have that pair of faux crocodile purple pumps to wear with your skinny jeans right now, or better yet that tall, dark, and handsome guy you met at that party you went to last week.

Moreover, I would like to point out that at least 70% of the time, it’s so not worth it because the relationship that ensues is usually so drama riddled that it ends up imploding on itself, and in the end you'll just have to go back your inner circle...embarrassed and seeking forgiveness.

I’d also like to point out the key word in rule 1- VERBAL communication—you cannot be responsible for reading your friend’s mind. Ladies please remember, stating your claim is still a necessary step...even amongst the inner circle (its a hard world out there). I cannot assume just because you smile at a guy that you're actually really interested -- you smile at everything with a penis.

Stay tuned for Rule II.....

The Girlfriend Code

Note: this blog is part of a series, and will updated periodically. Please stay tuned, and commentary is always welcome!



I’ve always had a lot of female friends. Having only one little brother, and no sisters, I find comfort in having close female friends and cousins that I could confide in. There is a power and inexpiable strength within that female bond, and it probably explains why I joined a sorority in college. Over the past 24 years, I have to say I’ve been a pretty good girl friend. In fact, I think broken friendship between a close girlfriend leaves what Diane Farr, the author of “The Girl Code”, calls “ a scar on the soul”, where no matter how much time has passed, you still feel a soft spot for a girlfriend lost and close times shared. Unfortunately, “these scars” or broken friendship are often result from blatant disregard, neglect, and obliteration of a simple code of ethics that all women have learned, socialize in, and continually perpetuate. So I have taken it upon myself to give you, the readers of this highly culturally aware blog, a crash course in girlfriend ethics, in the hope that all of us who do still follow the code of ethics amongst girlfriends can stop asking ourselves if we are crazy, and start asking other chicks “Bitch, where are your scruples?"

So what is a girlfriend exactly? I’m not talking about that chick you chitchat with at work, or a casual friend that you run into while getting your nails done. I am talking about the girls who comprise your inner circle, who you go visit just because, and spend hours with talking about something seemingly insignificant with the kind seriousness found only at G8 summit (example: your undeniable love affair with Anderson Copper, even though he’s a powder puff or Beyonce's video). A girlfriend has a mini catalog of your outfits (or if you have a memory like mine—a extensive catalog), and doesn’t judge you for still trying to be “friends” with that ex-boyfriend that you actually did love … even if the relationship was three years ago. You are not afraid to breakdown and cry in front of this girlfriend, in particular, if it is over seeing that same silly ex-bf (that you were just trying to be “friends” with) kicking it with some other girl –whom your girlfriend (if she’s a good one) will assure you is ugly and has some type of physical deformity (even if ole girl is a Naomi Campbell look a like). Real girlfriends allow you to bitch about your other good friends when they are acting out, and you know she won’t turn around gossip because she knows 1. You’re just venting, and 2. You’re probably right. And most importantly, these are the friends that you can go without seeing for one month or more, and will you not receive a nasty message talking about “where the fuck you been?” – but instead will be able to catch up over one dinner and couple glasses of wine like no time had ever passed.

Now in life, you are only blessed with a few friends like this. I believe that you can have really only have 4 girlfriends like this at the most (because honestly to share your business with anymore of these would just be silly). Now a woman’s circle of friends can be as wide as 10 or 12 people. But your inner circle comprises of a much smaller group of women in and outside that circle with whom you share your dreams, hopes, and fears.

Women learn the code of ethics at a very early age – as early as in pre-k or kindergarten- and the lessons only solidify, as you get older. It starts with small things, like only sharing your crayons with the girl who brings you an extra jell-o pack to lunch. But I feel like the real height of female socialization is middle school- or what I like to call “The Mean Girl Stage”. Why middle school you ask? Well for three reasons:

1. It’s where the formation of cliques, inner circles, and social hierarchy are formed.
2. Puberty begins and you can choose to either surround with friends who make you feel better about yourself, or not
3. The crash collision of hormones and boys –which sad to say is often the cause of fissure between girlfriends.

It’s on the middle school playground, amidst discussion of training bras, lip-gloss, and crushes, you learn to be a girlfriend, confidante, and a team player. Essentially it’s where you learn loyalty to those close to you, and fierce bitchiness to those who want infiltrate or destroy your circle. In some ways middle school is its own form of girlfriend hazing where you are constantly tested, and constantly testing your girlfriends. (Yes, it’s incredibly immature, but hey you’re 11)

So I think what women need to return to the lessons learned on the playground, amongst ponytails and bubblicious bubble gum, and start treating their inner circle girlfriends with the some sense. For those of you women who have read this far—and are on that “I only hang out with dudes because I don't get along with girls” tip—this actually probably more for you –because the real reason you don’t get along with women probably lies in your serious lack in girlfriend ethics (i.e. bitches don’t have a reason trust your no scruple having behind…get your shit together).

My next post will include a cheat sheet for you to help keep the few girlfriends you may have....

10 Rules for Being Human

These past couple weeks have been rather tumultuous for me, trying to juggle school, work and other life issues. Fortunately I am taking a spirituality class that sometimes forces me to step back from the rambunctiousness of life and reflect. I think it is important that every once in a while we take a step back from our physical selves and surroundings and evaluate where we are. It is necessary in order to ensure that we are staying true to ourselves. The phrase may be cliche, but you would be surprised at how many of us are not comfortable in our own space and therefore have spent life trying to occupy someone else's. These people have become externally motivated...motivated by the needs and wants of others. They have been out of touch with their own personal space for so long that they are estranged from it and don't even recognize themselves.

In my studies I came across this phrase... "life is a set of lessons that will be repeated until learned." Ain't that the truth! How many times have we seen our trifling friend do the same thing over and over again and we say "one day he/she is gonna learn" or we make a mistake so bad, that cost us so much that we say .."oh I learned my lesson! I will never do that again." If the lesson is truly learned, then it won't happen again. However, if you were just saying the ever-popular phrase just to be saying it, then you may find yourself right back in that same damn situation. Anyways it all comes back to the rather boring saying ..stay true to yourself, perhaps not so trite after all!

The phrase about life being a set of lessons was adapted from Cherie Carter-Scott's "10 Rules for Being Human." I know we can't all be perfect but here are some things to keep in mind:

"10 Rules for Being Human"

1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it's yours to keep for the entire period.

2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, "life".

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately "work".

4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end. There's no part of life that doesn't contain its lessons. If you're "alive", that means there are still lessons to be learned.

6. "There" is no better a place than "here". When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here".

7. Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life's questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

10. You will forget all this.

Black People Are Not Ready For a Black President

I am very well aware that some people will not agree with how I feel or what I’m about to say…but who cares, this is my blog! Haha anyway there is something that is on my mind and I felt the need to express said thoughts.

To be frank, I am highly concerned. I do not think that black people, as a whole are prepared adequately equipped for having Barack Obama (or any other black man) as our president. What I mean by that is “niggas are just not acting right.” One of my dear associates said that he did not think black people were ready for equality…while I agree with him, I don’t think that we currently have achieved universal equality at all… Just because he is black does not mean that the ENTIRE race has achieved equality…every time I hear “WE in there!” I shake my head…no WE are not…HE (and family) is in there, and they worked hard for it. My issue is that people are not realizing that 1. He did not run specifically for black people, and 2. He was a man qualified for the job, wanted to change the world, and “happened” to be black. He did not run AS the black presidential candidate…granted there’s nothing he could do because although our president-elect is half African-American AND half white, following in line with the “one-drop rule,” for all intents and purposes, everyone just calls him black.

And if we DID have equality, I still stand by my stance that black people just are not ready. I received a text today (one of many) saying to drink a lot of water cause there are gonna be a lot of salty crackers…I’m not gonna lie and say I didn’t give a lil chuckle at first out of pure shock…but then it was like damn, this is a prime example of the ignorance I’m talking about. That text was the complete antithesis of what Barack stands for. That is not what he wants. He is half white ("cracker" if you will), but people completely ignore that.

Another comrade of mine said it best when he said just because we have a black president does not mean that the ignorance will cease to exist in America. However, I don’t think a majority understand the magnitude. Having Barack Obama as a president has proven that it will only bring more ignorance. People will feel more comfortable because he’s president and it brings black people under more scrutiny as well…and we’re failing the damn test!

Anyway, people, I’m just really embarrassed. White people around the world predicted this type of behavior…black people just declaring this a holiday and being real reckless. People are going insane. Before you know it, people will be smoking weed outside like oh it’s ok, we got a black pres…NO people it’s NOT OK lol (although they should just legalize it…not even on no Barack Obama shit as an excuse). You don’t want people to think “look at this coonery, maybe we made a mistake” which is definitely what was said to me earlier. We don’t need to be talking about how they are gonna be frying chicken up in the White House or having chitlins or anything else that can be regarded as stereotypically “black.” It’s really not necessary. Get right and act right.

White people voting for Barack was a bit cathartic as well. You know it made them feel good to counteract effects of racism by casting their vote for a black guy. It helps to relieve thoughts of their own level of prejudice, whatever the level…but honestly, this is about to make them never vote for a black man again. We need to think of the future as well as the present and this isn’t boding well for black people. This is not just a historical moment for black people. The man just happened to be black and that’s great, but in all seriousness, this is a really historical moment for AMERICA and the world.

On a side note though, talk about a great night for the Obama’s. It was a beautiful moment when his family came out to support him. It’s so nice to see a couple so in love these days…you know Michelle put it on Barack like nobody’s business when they got home… your man just got elected to be president and you first lady…talk about an aphrodisiac! lmao

President-Elect Barack Obama!!

The time for change is here, right in this moment! This election has been nothing short of inspiring. Dwelling in the present, I know this is a wonderful moment. "There must be a change in the way we think about ourselves, our responsibility for our own success, and the way we look at the opportunities that exist in the world." YES WE CAN and YES WE DID!!!!

Throwback song of the day

Vote for Change...TODAY! Obama 2008!

Let's give credit where credit is due. Whether it be to vote for him or to vote against him, Barack Obama has really moved everyone to get up and vote. This morning I went out to the polls in my hometown of Roosevelt, Long Island. It was amazing to see the long line that stretched out the doors of the local catholic school. Many of the poll workers were saying that this is the first time they have ever even seen a line at such an early hour. Despite the long lines, people were smiling, feeling upbeat and motivated for change.

Often, we New Yorkers are given a bad wrap for being rather unfriendly, but the friendly attitudes at the polls this morning would prove any outsider wrong. Everyone had that glimmer of hope in their eyes. It goes without saying that a history (ourstory) is being made and we are all excited to take part. Nonetheless I think that there is another source of excitement in that people actually have decided to believe in our government. The large turnout in polls shows that people feel like their one vote will indeed make a difference. I have done my fair share of campaigning in the streets in the past...when Bush was up for reelection...it was depressing to see the amount of people who weren't bothering to vote because they didn't think their vote mattered...yet look what's going on today! People feel like someone has come along who genuinely cares about them and that he is truly down for a change. People actually have taken an interest in government.
It felt good to vote! if you haven't already please get out and do it our friend below did!

What would a blog be without a little promoting and advertising... A friend of mine and a graduate of Temple Uiniversity, Steven Lewis has established himself as a poet and photographer. Check out some of his work right here



Here is his latest work:
A Mother’s Requiem

Give us this day our daily bread
And forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those who trespass against us
But have you really forgiven me for trespassing against you

At that time in my life I felt alone
Scared that no one would be there
So I ended your chance
To enhance mine

Now I regret
My only opportunity
To give you more than I had
To teach you more than I learned

I sit and think about what could have been
Mother to child
Rocking to sleep on my chest
A kiss of comfort from the beat of my heart

Thoughts have never left my soul
I still cry at the image
Suicidal thoughts ravage my mind
A lifetime away from a new beginning

Our father who art in heaven
Heal my soul because I am torn
No one can truly understand this pain
A pain that continues to leave its mark on the inside

Shame
Fear
Guilt
Each one fueling my demise

Depression
Anxiety
Wanting to feel that life inside me again
Each one fueling my stuttering downfall

Flash back of memories and nightmares
Going to sleep while my child exits my body
Persistent thoughts of the procedure
All on what would have been your day

I ask for your forgiveness
For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory
Forever and ever
AMEN