The Girlfriend Code

Note: this blog is part of a series, and will updated periodically. Please stay tuned, and commentary is always welcome!



I’ve always had a lot of female friends. Having only one little brother, and no sisters, I find comfort in having close female friends and cousins that I could confide in. There is a power and inexpiable strength within that female bond, and it probably explains why I joined a sorority in college. Over the past 24 years, I have to say I’ve been a pretty good girl friend. In fact, I think broken friendship between a close girlfriend leaves what Diane Farr, the author of “The Girl Code”, calls “ a scar on the soul”, where no matter how much time has passed, you still feel a soft spot for a girlfriend lost and close times shared. Unfortunately, “these scars” or broken friendship are often result from blatant disregard, neglect, and obliteration of a simple code of ethics that all women have learned, socialize in, and continually perpetuate. So I have taken it upon myself to give you, the readers of this highly culturally aware blog, a crash course in girlfriend ethics, in the hope that all of us who do still follow the code of ethics amongst girlfriends can stop asking ourselves if we are crazy, and start asking other chicks “Bitch, where are your scruples?"

So what is a girlfriend exactly? I’m not talking about that chick you chitchat with at work, or a casual friend that you run into while getting your nails done. I am talking about the girls who comprise your inner circle, who you go visit just because, and spend hours with talking about something seemingly insignificant with the kind seriousness found only at G8 summit (example: your undeniable love affair with Anderson Copper, even though he’s a powder puff or Beyonce's video). A girlfriend has a mini catalog of your outfits (or if you have a memory like mine—a extensive catalog), and doesn’t judge you for still trying to be “friends” with that ex-boyfriend that you actually did love … even if the relationship was three years ago. You are not afraid to breakdown and cry in front of this girlfriend, in particular, if it is over seeing that same silly ex-bf (that you were just trying to be “friends” with) kicking it with some other girl –whom your girlfriend (if she’s a good one) will assure you is ugly and has some type of physical deformity (even if ole girl is a Naomi Campbell look a like). Real girlfriends allow you to bitch about your other good friends when they are acting out, and you know she won’t turn around gossip because she knows 1. You’re just venting, and 2. You’re probably right. And most importantly, these are the friends that you can go without seeing for one month or more, and will you not receive a nasty message talking about “where the fuck you been?” – but instead will be able to catch up over one dinner and couple glasses of wine like no time had ever passed.

Now in life, you are only blessed with a few friends like this. I believe that you can have really only have 4 girlfriends like this at the most (because honestly to share your business with anymore of these would just be silly). Now a woman’s circle of friends can be as wide as 10 or 12 people. But your inner circle comprises of a much smaller group of women in and outside that circle with whom you share your dreams, hopes, and fears.

Women learn the code of ethics at a very early age – as early as in pre-k or kindergarten- and the lessons only solidify, as you get older. It starts with small things, like only sharing your crayons with the girl who brings you an extra jell-o pack to lunch. But I feel like the real height of female socialization is middle school- or what I like to call “The Mean Girl Stage”. Why middle school you ask? Well for three reasons:

1. It’s where the formation of cliques, inner circles, and social hierarchy are formed.
2. Puberty begins and you can choose to either surround with friends who make you feel better about yourself, or not
3. The crash collision of hormones and boys –which sad to say is often the cause of fissure between girlfriends.

It’s on the middle school playground, amidst discussion of training bras, lip-gloss, and crushes, you learn to be a girlfriend, confidante, and a team player. Essentially it’s where you learn loyalty to those close to you, and fierce bitchiness to those who want infiltrate or destroy your circle. In some ways middle school is its own form of girlfriend hazing where you are constantly tested, and constantly testing your girlfriends. (Yes, it’s incredibly immature, but hey you’re 11)

So I think what women need to return to the lessons learned on the playground, amongst ponytails and bubblicious bubble gum, and start treating their inner circle girlfriends with the some sense. For those of you women who have read this far—and are on that “I only hang out with dudes because I don't get along with girls” tip—this actually probably more for you –because the real reason you don’t get along with women probably lies in your serious lack in girlfriend ethics (i.e. bitches don’t have a reason trust your no scruple having behind…get your shit together).

My next post will include a cheat sheet for you to help keep the few girlfriends you may have....